Diverging Realities
The ability to rest by making "assumptions" about familiar things is necessary for relaxation. When our bodies enter a new physical environment, it tenses, ready to fight or flee threats which may be present in the unknown. When we enter unknown emotional environments, our hearts tense as we evaluate the safety of the encounter: Will we be accepted or judged?When we can assume certain things about another's perspective, our hearts can relax and open, bringing peace. 100 years ago there were fewer groups and within them, less variation. This solidity of stereotypes allowed for more social assumptions, with significantly more time spent relaxed. These groups have now splintered into many subcategories, and the groups themselves are less obviously identified by either dress, habit or location. We are as likely to meet a Mexican atheist who is gay next door as we are to meet a white Christian who believes gays will go to hell in Mexico. One cannot assume any more. We have become islands of individuality. Every meeting is as unsatisfying and mystifying as talking with a foreigner - unless we learn the values, habits and culture of that individual. These "cultural" encounters take place many times each day, creating unrecognized culture shock - and anxiety.Our sense of reality is formed by:- The style and content of the information we listen to, read, and watch on media. The odds of you absorbing the same media as your next door neighbor is increasingly remote.
- The things our physical senses have observed. With more information being processed in the virtual world of movies, books, e-mails and cell phones, what confidence do you have that you have shared the same day with people literally ten feet away from you.
- The values we have witnessed and been taught. Not only do our parents fit into many shades of gray, but the whole value of family traditions is not popular, making family assumptions and gatherings more problematic.
There is a polarization that is going on within the media, as information becomes specialized to support those who have already formed an opinion and seek validation for it. Simultaneously, people are investing more attention on the virtual world each year. And we interact with more and more people we have never met before. In order to maintain the quality of connection formerly brought through shared assumptions and relational duration, we have to be constantly on - assessing who this person is, what they will take offense to, and why. There are too many frames of reference to remember. It becomes safer to be superficial. Yet there is emotional stress and energy spent protecting our heart every time we cannot rely on acceptance.
